From the moment I began the ritual, I felt the presence of the divine descend on me. It was different from anything I've ever felt because the energy was not the soothing mother energy of wings enfolding me that I usually feel with Isis. It was very energetic; I was literally buzzing with it. And it seemed as if there were more Goddesses involved than just one. My heart was racing.
Nothing more happened beyond this barely containable energy until I began the meditation part of the ritual. Almost the moment I lay down, I felt myself traveling. I was on Ra's Solar Barge as it passed through the Underworld from dusk to dawn. I could feel many deities behind me, though I had no need to turn to see them. I felt as if I was one of them, standing at the prow of the Barge, feeling the darkness move across my skin. I didn't feel like myself anymore, but rather as if something had descended into my body. I could feel it under my skin, stretching me to make me more like it: higher cheekbones, broader forehead, thinner nose.
We traveled that way for hours until at last it was time for Ra to rise. As we came over the horizon, I became the Solar Deity. I could feel the warmth emanate from every cell of my body, reaching out to the Earth and all that inhabit it. At last, all the energy that had been building inside was released and I shone. However, this was not the end of my journey. At some point I tried to open my eyes but found I could not. The meditation was not done with me. I saw the sun shining before me with a blinding intensity. The glare made my eyes tear. I wanted to look away, but could not. And then I realized that I was not looking at the sun at all, but in a mirror. My own brightness was what was blinding me. I was that glorious. At that moment of understanding, my eyes flew open.
As I ended the ritual, I felt overwhelmed with gratefulness. The Goddess had given me a precious gift and one that I had not expected. I sang the Thanksgiving as a hymn.
